I have been figuratively banging my head against a wall and literally ripping my hair out in frustration over this. This is the issue:
Thus, I am totally unable to achieve my first goal (connect my webpage to my name). Is there a way to achieve this without having to download Wordpress, which is turning into a huge pain in the ass? I use a free version of Wordpress.
You can verify your webpage in Google Search Console using Google Analytics. It is one of the alternate methods for the verification. Google Analytics support on WordPress.com is available as a feature of the WordPress.com Business plan. Visit Settings → Analytics under My Sites to enable Google Analytics.
Another option would be to verify via DNS and your domain name provider. Detailed instructions how to set up a CNAME record for that are available within the Google Search Console. With this option, you do not need to edit the front page HTML too.
Actually you can insert the Google Console verification meta on a Wordpress.com hosted site.
Go to settings > SEO Direct URL: https://wordpress.com/settings/seo/